Yesterday at church we celebrated two marriages which have stood the test of time. One couple has been married for 53 years. The other couple celebrated 63 years of marriage.
Have you ever wondered why some marriages fail while others thrive?
Here’s some more information that Bill and Pam Farrel shared about lasting marriages at the NAME Marriage Conference in November.
Seven stages most couples go through
- Couple begins family
- Children enter school
- Children enter teen years
- Children enter adulthood
- Retirement Years
- Aging/Loss of spouse
“A hormone called PEA is released when you decide to marry someone – you’re actually addicted to this person. This lasts 18-24 months. When it’s gone, it’s gone. However, Oxytocin can be produced over and over by laughing together, by sharing mutually satisfying experiences, and sex.”
- Women don’t divide their love, it multiplies!
- Treat your spouse like company.
- Sometimes it’s not just a spiritual problem, maybe we need a nap!
Midlife transitions: Wife’s search for significance; Husband’s search for companionship
- Overstated emotions
- Question: Who am I and why am I on the face of this globe?
- Most vulnerable to an affair
Wise women will take the question to God
- Suggested resource: Becoming a Brave New Woman: Step into God’s Adventure for You by Pam Farrel
- Find a mentor and other women to share with
- Set up some boundaries in relationships with other men.
- Ask the people around you: What do you think is unique about me? What do I enjoy doing?
“I love you too much to let life pull us apart, so let’s set some date nights.”
Men: Superman syndrome
- Men become aware of the expenses of life
- Men can become so focused on providing for the family that they forget to build relationship with the family
- Testosterone drops in mid-life
- Health crisis that gets your attention
- Mid-life is a transition like puberty; transition from productivity to wisdom. People need your wisdom!
Questions couples should ask themselves:
- Who would be a great mentor couple for us?
- When’s a great time for a date night? (Hint for couples with young children: Thursday night toy box. Put together a special box of toys children can only have on Thursday night (or whatever night you have your date night). Children have to stay on their beds to play with their special toy box.)
Seasoned Sisters – a supportive group of women Pam gets together with regularly.
- In construction “sistering” = putting 2×4’s together so they can bear more weight; we should be doing this for each other as women.
- “Choosing Joy!” – a phrase Pam uses to remind herself that she can’t change the circumstances, but she can change her attitude.
Pray Scriptures over your family
Isaiah 30:8 The Lord longs to be good to you
- “If couples can hang through this transition (midlife), life will right itself.”
- God is good all the time! Hang on to that. Goodness is ahead. Stick together.
- Write out a dream list of what you want to do in the second half of your life.
- Number one trait of couple who last a lifetime – want a love that lasts a lifetime (Pure grit and determination)
“Remind each other: It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s just life!”