Adoption Blog Tour: My fears, hopes and dreams for our children

Adoptive Parents

Adoption is a challenging journey. (You can read our family legacy story here.) An adoptive family experiences many joys and sorrows. Here are some things I celebrate as an adoptive parent:

  • The day we brought each of our children home
  • Hearing, “I love you!”
  • Holding adoption orders in my hand and knowing these are legally our children
  • Hearing, “Your daughter has your eyes.”
  • Watching our twins, who were never supposed to walk, talk, or feed themselves, run with carefree abandon and gulp down ever increasing amounts of food.
  • Hearing, “You’re the best cook in the whole world!”
  • Coming home and being met at the door with hugs, smiles, and “You’re home!”
  • Walking into a room and seeing all of my children reading by themselves.
  • Hearing, “Your son knows his Bible well.”

Like any parent, I also have fears, hopes, and dreams for my children.

I Fear:

  • Our children floundering with their identity.
  • Not having the answers or ability to meet our children’s unique needs.
  • People being distracted or distressed by our children’s special needs and refusing to take the time to get to know who they really are as people.
  • The future, wondering if our children have the skills and ability to be independent.
  • People taking advantage of our children.
  • What will happen to our children when we are no longer able to care for them?

I Hope:

  • Our children will find security and significance in a personal relationship with God.
  • Our children will lead lives that are privately happy and publicly useful.
  • Our children will know that we love them no matter what.
  • Our children will persevere through the difficulties they face.
  • Our children will have the support and encouragement they need.
  • Others will treat our children with respect.

I Dream:

  • That our children will be able to set goals that are meaningful to them and achieve them.
  • That others will be able to look beyond our children’s special needs and see the special gifts they bring to the world.
  • That our children will be able to have healthy relationships with their birth families.
  • That our community and the larger world will make a place for our children where they are accepted, nurtured, and productive.
  • That there will always be a safe place for our children.

Adoptive and foster parents need support and encouragement. I’m thankful for:

  • Extended family members who love and accept our children
  • Teachers who go the extra mile to include our children
  • Specialists who listen and give helpful advice
  • A church family who celebrates our children’s unique gifts and abilities
  • Friends who pray for me and listen when I just need to vent

What are your fears, hopes, and dreams for your children? Are they similar to or different than mine?

NOTE: For the month of December, I’m giving away a FREE copy of a Christmas short story – Hope for Jimmy, to everyone who follows my blog. (Fill in the form below)

Ruth L. Snyder and her husband, Kendall, have five adopted children ages six to seventeen. Besides looking after her family, Ruth enjoys teaching Music for Young Children and writing. She currently serves as the editor for In the Loop, a quarterly newsletter for foster, adoptive, and kinship families in northeastern Alberta, Canada. (Read more of their adoption journey: Our Family Legacy Story.)

Adoption Blog Tour

 

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Sharing stories with our children

Story quote 1

This week in our Proverbs 31 online Bible study, I especially appreciated Lysa Terkeurst’s questions and suggestions at the end of Chapter 24: Do They See Jesus in Me? Here’s a summary for your benefit:

  • Think back over your life and pinpoint some specific moments that made your heart leap for joy. Write them down, so that you can review them when you’re facing difficulties.
  • Share your happy memories with your children and husband
  • Review your childhood and write down at least one memory where God’s hand was evident
  • Write down a time Jesus was very real to you recently
  • Pray, thanking God for the special moments in your life
  • Write a prayer celebrating parenting and confessing your shortcomings to God. Ask Him for strength to make any changes you need to make.

I hope you’ll take time to do some of these exercises.

Moments that made my heart leap for joy:

  • Visiting my Grandparents in Three Hills (Grandma Beam’s desserts were legendary!)
  • Visiting my Grandparents in Gibbon (It took no time at all for 50 or more relatives to gather!)
  • Using wax paper to make the circular slide beside Grandpa & Grandma Beam’s more slippery
  • When my dad made a special trip to visit me on my birthday while I was attending Bible College
  • Surprising my parents when I was one of the speakers for my Bible College graduation
  • Finding a place to order an out of print book when I worked in customer service at Prairie Bookroom
  • Working at Whitney Lake Bible Camp
  • Getting rid of all the piles of files on the credenza after I started working as a legal secretary
  • My first date with Kendall
  • Our wedding day
  • The day we brought Grace, our oldest daughter, home
  • When we received an adoption order in the mail
  • When Kendall was able to compete in the Yamaha competition in Toronto
  • The day we met Luke and Levi
  • The day Jayson arrived home
  • When Luke and Levi said “Mom and Dad” after 4 years of signing
  • Winning the Northern Lights School Division school board bi-election
  • Bringing Dorothy home
  • Winning first place in the God Uses Ink contest
  • Taking a walk and capturing beauty with my camera

As I thought about these moments that made my heart leap for joy, I realized that every one has a story behind it. I also thought about how I should be more intentional about sharing these stories with my children. There are some things we have put into place to help share the memories:

  • I have made a wedding album as well as a photo album for each child. We often pull out these albums and talk about things that happened and how God has blessed us.
  • We have adoption parties for our children. On the anniversary of the date a child’s adoption order was signed, we have a party. The child gets to pick who comes to the party, his or her favourite food, and where the party takes place.

What about you? What makes your heart leap for joy? How do you share stories with your children?