Bill & Pam Farrel shared some important reminders with us about resolving conflict with our spouse:
- Women tend to confront issues while men tend to bury issues
- Couples who can identify the real issues can grow closer
- Emotions follow decisions
Decide AHEAD of time how you will deal with conflict!
- Hold hands when you argue!
- Check out the Free resources on love-wise.com: Conflict Covenant Worksheet.
Forgive One Another
People don’t fall out of love, they fall out of the willingness to forgive.
Colossians 3:13 – we are supposed to forgive everyone (even our spouse)!
What forgiveness is not:
- Just letting it go
- Saying “It’s okay”
Forgiveness is a decision you make in your heart to not allow anyone else to control your emotional life.
Reconciliation is a decision to restore a broken or hurting relationship
Forgiveness makes sure there’s no bitterness in your life.
Six Statements of Forgiveness
- I forgive (name) for (offense) 1 John 1:9; Genesis 45 – reunion of Joseph and his brothers
- I admit that what happened was wrong. (If nothing was wrong, maybe a bad attitude just needs to be adjusted.) Romans 3:23; Genesis 45:5
- I do not expect this person to make up for what he or she has done. (Take them off your hook, and put them on God’s hook! Give God a chance to work on the person.) II Cor 5:17
- I will not use what happened to define who this person is. (Give up name-calling. Ask God to help you see that person as He sees them.) Forgiveness sets us free to be able to love in a healthy way. Ephesians 1 – God looks at everyone as desperately needing His grace.
- I will not manipulate this person with this offense. (Don’t beat people up with the past.) II Cor. 5:17 (Imagine the relationship you’d have with Jesus if he manipulated you by what he knows about you. He doesn’t do that.) Genesis 45:10 (If someone is moving from toxic to healthy, they own their issue: This is what I did. I’m so sorry I hurt you. What can I do to earn back your trust?)
- I will not allow what has happened to stop my personal growth. II Peter 3:18 You don’t have to be perfect, but you need to work on getting better. Bitterness stunts your growth.
Boundaries are put in place to give others time to allow God to work in their lives.
Psalm 103 – Bless the Lord, O My Soul