Fighting for the BEST in your Marriage and 5 Minute Friday

Best Marriage

Jeff and Lori Harmon shared a session about, “Fighting for the BEST in your Marriage,” at the NAME Conference in November. Here is some of the information they shared:

Scriptures: Genesis 2:24; Genesis 3:1; John 8:44; John 10:10

  • God is the one who processes us to make the two into one.
  • God is with us. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. We need to deal with our baggage and our thoughts.
  • “I do” and “I will” need to be true on your marriage day and throughout your marriage.
  • Our marriages are under attack. Satan slithers into our marriage – Hollywood, movies, books, etc. and works to separate us.
  • We don’t struggle against flesh and blood. Too often we fight inside our marriage instead of fighting outside our marriage. Satan wants to bring the worst. We need to fight for the best in our marriage. Satan is a liar. Lies seep their ways in. Maybe my spouse isn’t the one God wanted me to marry. Satan goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
  • We are not just fighting for ourselves; we are also fighting for the next generation.
  • We will all fail. Jesus does not condemn us; He points out the ideal and gives us the grace, courage, and strength to get there. You’ll never be good enough; Jesus is good enough
  • We can’t compare! This brings condemnation, not conviction.

The word, “Marriage” comes from the  Greek word for “gem”. Just like time and pressure turn a chunk of coal into a diamond, so God uses time and pressure to turn our marriages into something precious.

God never meant for marriage to be learned alone.

The BEST Marriage

B – Bless your spouse

  • God wants us to be “blessers”.
  • The first 4 minutes of your day will set the tone for your day.
  • Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 10:18.
  • Our world is very negative. We need each other to speak blessing and encouragement.
  • Speak words to your spouse and about them Hebrews 11:3 – our words frame our world
  • Use “Please” and “Thank you” – When was the last time you thanked your spouse?
  • Say “I love you.” even if you don’t feel it. Keep putting out the words and your spirit will follow
  • Pray for your spouse; NOT preach, preach, preach

E – Edify

  • You can say what you have or you can have what you say. Encourage, delight, fulfill – building with actions. Romans 10:19
  • God has put you in your marriage to build up your spouse.God wants you to serve. Your spouse is not your workmanship; they may be a piece of work, but they are not your piece of work.
  • Edify = to enlarge your spouse’s self-worth. Help them feel better about themselves. Your spouse is not there to make you complete – that’s Christ’s job. A spouse is a coach that runs along side you, cheering you on. You need to know your spouse so that you can edify and strengthen them. There is power in believing in your spouse.

S – Share

  • We become selfish with our time, needs, feelings. Communication is often a problem. We become disconnected. Couples who share their feelings are closer and can go through their difficulties much easier.
  • Your spouse should be your soulmate. If you’re closer to someone else, it’s because you’re talking to them more.
  • Cover/protect one another. Be your spouse’s BFF. You need to learn to have an expanded ability to share.
  • Silence can be a wedge between you and your spouse. Sharing is about not keeping secrets. I love what he loves because I love him. Share your dreams and visions.
  • Ask: How are we doing on a scale of 1-10? Why? What area needs improvement?

T – Touch

  • Kissing is beneficial for your health. A kiss is like a seal of approval.
  • Science of 7 – a woman needs 7 touches throughout the day – non-sexual.
  • Physical affirmation says, “I love you.”  Women need security. Touching and affirming. Touching kindles a flame.

Are you fighting for the BEST in your marriage? Ladies, I invite you to join me in The Red Hot Wives Challenge put together by Bill & Pam Farrel.




“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

“Give, and it will be given to you, shaken down … running over.”

“Come unto me, all who are burdened and heavy laden and I will GIVE you rest.”

Christmas is just around the corner. In our home we consciously work at helping our children learn to GIVE:

  • We encourage them to give gifts to each other
  • We encourage them to give gifts to other people
  • We encourage them to give their time to help others by baking cookies, caroling around the neighborhood, volunteering at a soup kitchen

Jesus Christ is our example of giving.

At Christmas we celebrate that He gave up everything He had in Heaven, coming to earth as a helpless baby.

At Easter we celebrate that He gave His life in exchange for ours.

What will we give today?

Five minute Friday provides an opportunity to write for 5 minutes using a prompt, and then link in with other people who’ve done the same. If you’d like to participate, check out the details on Kate’s blog.


  1. Mari-Anna Stålnacke @flowingfaith on November 28, 2014 at 6:23 am

    I loved the post but this was a real blessing: “The word, “Marriage” comes from the Greek word for “gem”. ” Thank you for sharing, Ruth. Blessings to you and yours! (Visiting via FMF from

    • Ruth L Snyder on November 28, 2014 at 8:49 am

      That picture was a great analogy for me too. Sometimes we see struggles as a bad thing, but God uses them to polish us!

  2. Karen Brown on November 28, 2014 at 6:30 am

    I love your B.E.S.T. acronym! What a great reminder that our relationships with other people are a chance to GIVE more than they are to receive.. all because we have already received everything in Christ. Loved this! Thanks for sharing your gift here.

    • Ruth L Snyder on November 28, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Thanks for stopping by. The acronym wasn’t original with me, but it is a great reminder.

  3. Bobbi Junior on November 28, 2014 at 8:37 am

    Our marriage was always pretty good, but when I decided to purposefully lift my husband up in any way I could (thanks for taking out the garbage, you’re a good dad to help with homework, I so appreciate you putting winter tires on my car, etc.) my husband’s esteem seemed to grow. After a few years of simply appreciating him out loud, he’s become more confident in himself, and more able to serve others because of it, I think.

    • Ruth L Snyder on November 28, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Thanks for sharing, Bobbi. Sometimes it’s easy to take our husbands for granted. You’ve given us an example of something that’s easy to do, but obviously it produces great results 🙂

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